Paranoia Constant
by riyangendut
Summary: Silence made you think of unnecessary and superfluous things. A lazy morning breakfast in Hikigaya household once again proved this. One-shot.


**Sometimes I feels like there are something nagging behind my head, an idea too precious to let go but too preposterous to ever be released to the masses. An idea you know you will struggle to realize but you cannot forget without feeling like you had lost an important part of you.**

 **This is one such idea, albeit far less crazy than the historical nutcrackers.**

 **No, the story is yet to be started.**

* * *

All stupid things always started all too easily. And when you realize how stupid it is, it's already too far down the line to stop. By that logic, it could be said that life itself is stupid, and to partake in the mindless sacrifice called life is a stupidity in and of itself.

But if being alive means I could spend my weekend morning eating delicious breakfast and lazing around, then I suppose doing stupid thing isn't always bad.

"Earth to Komachi-chan, are you there?" I waved my hand in front of my unusually silent sister that almost mechanically ate her breakfast.

"Onii-chan!" She swatted my hand angrily, while picking up the pace.

"Komachi-chan? Did anything happen?"

"Not really." Again with her mechanical movement, she dumped her cutlery in the sink and sat mindlessly in front of the television.

I merely sighed.

I stood up from the dinning table, bringing my own plates and mug to the sink and started washing the dishes. Involuntarily, my thought wandered into the expression Komachi had shown this entire morning.

 _Contrary to what people might think, not that I care about them, I do care about my sister and her problems. But as a brother, I can't directly influence my sister's surrounding due to lack of reach and fear of guiding her too much. I can't have her depend on me too much, but I need her to know that I'm here for her-_

My monologue trailed as a pair of slender arms wrapped around my waist.

"Wha-Komachi? What happened?" But all I got as an answer was quiet sobs.

"Komachi?"

"Please, just let me be for a minute." Knowing I won't be able to squeeze anything out of her, I simply resumed washing the dishes.

"Onii-chan."

"What is it?" Her arm tightened slightly

"I think your little sister had fallen in love." I paused my movement for a moment.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah."

 _Well, my sister is at that age, after all. It's completely normal for her to be attracted to opposite sex._

I finished washing the dishes, and turned off the faucet.

 _But what is this feeling inside my chest? No, what I felt doesn't matter. It never matters. More importantly, why was she crying?_

I slowly took her arms off my waist and turned to face her, bending my body slightly to look at her teary eyes.

"Well, you're certainly old enough to fall in love, and I can't tell you what to or not to do. But why are you crying?" She suddenly looked straight into my eyes.

"Because you're the one I fell in love with, Onii-chan..."

The autumn air felt suffocating. I was overwhelmed by everything that comprised this little sister of mine: her amethyst eyes, her smooth skin and contrasting dark hair, subtle citrus scent emanating from her being.

 _God, my sister has grown to be realy beautiful, hasn't she?_

"Don't you think your joke had gone too far this time? Those absurd 'Komachi points' aside, faking a confession is-"

"I'm not joking! I really am-"

"Just cut it off! It's not even funny anymore, we're siblings for god's sake-" she suddenly pulled my collar, closing the gap between our faces to mere centimeters.

"Push me away then." Another tears trickled down her cheek "Push me away, and I swear I'd forget all this ever happened. We would be back to our normal relationship, to what we were before."

 _Lies, of course. What we had before couldn't be regained, and what we have right now can't be so easily discarded. No matter how hard the two of us tried, the wound would still be there, getting deeper and deeper every passing day. Had this happened between me and any random friends, not that I have a lot of them, I'd have no second thought in rejecting them outright._

 _But Komachi, she is the constant of my life, the only one who was always there when I need her, I'd rather die than lose her from my side. Not even my parents was there when I need them, heck, they never listen to me even once. I sometimes wonder if I really have parents or I'm just a lost child intruding to Komachi's family, insolently dreaming that the parents doting after her were also mine._

 _She is the only thing right in my life full of mistakes. She is the only correct answer in a world filled with false smiles and camaraderie. If it's with her, then maybe, just maybe..._

I raised my head a little, aligning my lips with her forehead, before landing a soft kiss.

"I'm sorry, Komachi, for being the useless brother that I am, for being so stupid I can't understand you at all, for being such a coward that I-" I took a deep breath, inhaling with it the sweet scent as if it's the last thing I'd smell. "I can't... Not like this, not with you, no right now."

Silence permeated the room, the droplet of tears fell into my shirt.

"I'm sorry, Komachi." The only answer I got was her slumped back, receeding from my own towards the door.

 _I guess I could still cry, after all._

* * *

 **So, I watched a playthrough of Oregairu VN a while back, and the idea sort of popped out in my head, then one thing led to another... Actually I already have this idea when I wrote my** _ **other**_ **Oregairu fanfiction...**

 **Ugh, why is it so easy for me to get sidetracked?!**

 **Critics and Reviews are always welcome. riyangendut out.**


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